Tom stepped in front of Jim and challenged him to a fistfight. In response, Jim did a kiai and stepped back into a stance. Tom lunged forward and went to work.

Afterward, Jim realized that stepping backward and assuming a stance isn’t always effective in a self-defense situation. That was confusing because he’d always been taught to respond that way by an instructor who advocated a traditional one-size-fits-all approach to self-defense.

Now, Jim was forced to realize that wrestlers, boxers, and mixed martial artists — not to mention street brawlers — are among those who prefer to skip tradition and just fight.

In this article, I will identify six self-defense moves — including the one that worked against Jim — that are often taught in traditional schools but that are likely to get you hurt in a real altercation. I also will describe six alternatives that are much more effective.

Preamble

Before discussing the six moves you should never use, I must explain, for the sake of all the new martial artists reading this, that avoiding the fight is usually the best course of action.

The following are four actions you can take to more easily avoid conflict:

• Use controlled breathing when tensions begin to rise. This will enable you to think more clearly and, it is hoped, de-escalate. I recommend the 4x4 breathing method, also called “square breathing.” Inhale through your mouth for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale through your mouth for four seconds and hold onto that emptiness (no breathing) for four seconds. Repeat the sequence for maximum mental clarity.

• Avoid places where troublemakers go. If you know where thugs and miscreants hang out, don’t go there. Obviously, you should stay away from dark alleys, unlit parking lots, and other isolated places. Also avoid the “10 to 4 window.” It’s so named because most crimes are committed between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m.

• Don’t look an aggressor in the eyes. Some people will interpret it as a challenge if you look them in the eyes longer than it takes to make a quick glance. They’ll bellow, “What are you looking at?!” It’s much better to direct your eyes at the other person’s neck. That way, you’ll still be able to see what his hands are doing and you can see beyond him, which will help you identify any additional threats as well as potential escape paths.

• Distract him so he forgets about fighting you. Experts recommend three ways to do this while you scan for the nearest exit: Try to make him laugh, try to pit him against the person he’s with (assuming there is one), and pretend you’re ill. The last one might entail sneezing a few times while covering your nose. If you act as though you’re catching something, he might move back a little — which can give you an opportunity to get out of there.

In situations in which you don’t see a way out, you might have to defend yourself. With that in mind, here are the six self-defense moves you don’t want to use.

Actions to Avoid No. 1: Assuming a Conventional Stance

In many martial arts schools, you learn to defend yourself by first stepping back into a stance, often a low one, that positions your hands up and your fists clenched. This is claimed to be better for self-defense because you are ready and you’re a little farther from the attacker, which affords you more time to react. On the surface, it would seem to make sense.

However, reflexively stepping back into a stance is not recommended for four reasons:

• You don’t know who’s behind you. The guy in front might have a buddy there, and if you step back without looking, he could be moving right into his range.

• Stepping back will prolong the fight. That means increasing the chance you’ll be injured. How so? Among other things, it can allow more time for the bad guy’s friends to show up and outnumber you.

• You’ll still be in the center of his target zone. This benefits the aggressor because even though he’s probably suffering from stress-induced tunnel vision, his crosshairs will still be on you.

• He’ll see your movement and think you’re retreating. In all likelihood, he’ll take advantage of what he sees as an opening and move quickly toward you. (On the battlefield, when soldiers see the enemy retreat, they usually attack with overwhelming strength.)

Instead of stepping back into a stance, quickly look to your sides to find the best escape route, then step toward that side. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart to allow for quicker motion. The attacker will have to adjust to your new position. If he does so just by turning his head, take another step. Keep sidestepping while you search for a way out.

Actions to Avoid No. 2: Blocking an Attack

Simply put, blocking wastes time. Don’t rely on it to save your skin; a block will merely postpone the attack.

Even worse, it will put the other guy in charge, and chances are he’ll immediately make another aggressive move. And there’s the possibility that if your foe is faster than you, one of his shots might get through before you can effect your block.

Instead of blocking, step off to one side as mentioned above. From that position, you won’t have to block a punch or kick because you won’t be where he was aiming. Just stay alert as you step to the side.

If you see one of his friends looking like he’s about to attack, you’ll need to address that. If the friend doesn’t look like he’s going to intervene, just get away — while looking around for anyone who might try to stop you.

Actions to Avoid No. 3: Using a Palm Strike on Any Body Part Other Than the Head

If you use your palm to hit an opponent from the neck down, all you’ll probably do is hurt your wrist and/or fingers. That often happens because he’s leaning toward you as he advances, which means your fingers make contact before your palm. The contact can bend your digits backward with significant force.

Avoid this injury by reserving your palm strikes for his chin. Raise your hand straight up from underneath. That will keep your fingers out of the way. As you’re executing the blow, focus your attention on the upper part of his chest.

Then, if he changes levels down, you can just hit where you were looking, and his chin will drop to meet your palm. If he hasn’t changed levels when he comes into range, simply adjust your aim a little higher.

Actions to Avoid No. 4: Winding Up Before You Punch

Pulling your arm back — aka “winding up” — can certainly add power to your punch. Unfortunately, it also telegraphs your technique, and an experienced fighter will detect that. Once he does, he may have time to move out of the way or even hit you first.

Instead of winding up, keep your hands together in front of your chest. This will position them close to his face. (The face is a fine target if you prefer to punch from this position; just avoid impacts with his nose and mouth because of the dangers associated with bloodborne pathogens.)

The defensive orientation I just described may seem passive, but it can give you the element of surprise in a self-defense situation.

Bonus: If you decide to hit from this position, stomp your foot a fraction of a second before you make contact with his face. The action will tilt your body toward him, thereby shifting your body weight forward and increasing the force behind the blow.

Actions to Avoid No. 5: Trying to Drive a Knee Into His Groin

This move is often recommended in self-defense classes — but seldom by anyone who’s tried it for real. That’s because a knee to the groin can result in two problems.

First, because you must stand on one leg while you do it, you can be knocked down more easily.

Second, if your opponent is taller than you, landing a groin shot is likely to make him pitch forward, which can slam his forehead into your face.

If you nevertheless decide that a knee to the groin is your best option in a certain situation, make sure you’re very close to the aggressor, then tilt your head to one side so that when his skull is careening in your direction, your face won’t be there.

Actions to Avoid No. 6: Kicking Above Knee Level

Kicking high in self-defense is risky for several reasons.

First, as with the knee thrust to the groin, standing on one leg puts your balance in jeopardy, which is why the time you’re in that position should be minimized.

Second, kicking high often requires you to raise your knee beforehand and possibly lean slightly to the opposite side, and that can alert him that a kick is coming.

Third, kicking high involves more travel time for your foot, which gives him more opportunity to sidestep, grab your leg, and throw you to the ground.

It’s much safer to keep your kicks low — around shin level, if possible. Shoot out your low kick like you would crack a whip: Snap it out and snap it back. Envision your foot penetrating 2 inches into the target. To practice this, kick a hanging curtain that’s positioned well away from walls and other hard objects.

Use this quick-out-quick-back motion for kicks to the front, as well as to the side, making sure all of them rise no higher than the knee. Concentrate on not lifting your knee before shooting out your foot. This will render your kicks more difficult to defend against.

Taking the time to unlearn the six traditional moves described above and then replacing them with the recommended alternatives will carry you a long way toward self-defense proficiency. Any one of them can be the difference between winning and losing, between walking away from a fight and being carried away.