In A Traditional Martial Arts School, Parents And Instructors Become An Unbeatable Team Helping Shape Children For The Path To Success.

Those words come from a motivational speaker named Bill Banan. They’re fun, inclusive and positive — good medicine for any martial arts school, club or program, whether traditional or eclectic. The underlying message is simple: We are in it together! I like the concept so much that I placed the quote on my school’s website. I’m discussing it here because it can help you build your school’s youth program, and it’s good for business. It’s also noble, which is one of my four keys to success in business and in life. 

What could be better than that?

I originally picked up the quote from the Facebook page of James C. Smith II, who told me he got it from Banan. Smith — owner and master instructor of White Tiger Martial Arts in Hagerstown, Maryland — said he believes in the quote and the concept on which it’s based. His 6,500-square-foot dojang, where he teaches taekwondo, hapkido and kickboxing, offers tangible proof of its logic: The school has nearly 300 active students.

I’ve visited Smith’s facility several times and seen him in action. He likes to put his teamwork beliefs right out in the open when he signs up a student. “I always discuss with parents what they want out of the training,” he says. “I ask, ‘Do you want your child to listen better in school? Do you want your child to fight better? Do you just want your child to have an activity?’

“We discuss whatever is on their minds. I tell them their child is not a number; they are a person, and they are going to be an important part of the school and a part of a family. And I tell them we are a team. I let them know that I want them to be around for a long time.”

One method I use to cultivate parent-instructor teams is the “I’m OK, you’re OK” approach. In meetings, I say this: “You’re a good parent, and I’m a good martial arts teacher. I want your child to be a good martial artist, and you want your child to be a good martial artist. We both want your child to be the very best he or she can be as a martial artist and as a person. Parents and the dojo are a team, and together, we can be unbeatable in helping shape the course of your child’s life in a positive way.”

Smith agrees with this message. He notes that the concept works best when everyone understands their responsibilities. The instructor has responsibilities, and parents have responsibilities. The parents’ responsibilities begin with having the student in uniform, getting him or her a snack or beverage before class if one is required, and then transporting the child to the school.

“Out of all the parental responsibilities, the one I feel is most important is getting the child to the dojang regularly for training,”

Smith says. “I can’t help the student get better if they aren’t here.” Other parental responsibilities include paying fees, making sure students keep track of events like belt tests and so on. The responsibilities for the instructor include teaching quality lessons, properly maintaining the facility and running the business well so the school remains solvent. The instructor also must ensure that students have an opportunity to refine old material, try new applications of previously learned material and acquire totally new skills. Further, students should receive a good workout and feel upbeat afterward, participate in fair rank tests and so forth.

Interestingly, there are responsibilities that are shared by the instructor and the parents, and sometimes they’re overlooked. Both parties should be encouraging and positive. Students should be given time to figure things out and then improve. Some of that improvement should take place on their own — which means the teacher should  not intervene every time a minor mistake is made in an effort to save the student time. 

This is how inner strength develops. The instructor and the parents always should encourage students to try their best. Part of that is having the confidence to attempt new things. It’s fostered by offering positive comments like “Good job,” “Nice work,” “Your side kick is much better,” and “Your new tournament form is really cool.”

This next point is exceptionally important: Both parties should promote a mindset that says martial arts training is an individual pursuit. The student should not feel like he or she is competing against other students. The process of learning how to wield weapons, perform kata and execute self-defense techniques is different for everybody. The less any student is concerned with what others are learning and how quickly they’re advancing, the better. That doesn’t mean the student won’t be motivated by those things; it just means they should be downplayed by parents and instructors.

There are also issues that parents and instructors should join forces to stamp out. One unfolds like this: Most kids like karate class, so that fact winds up being used by some parents as a tool for disciplining their child. “If you don’t do this, you’re not going to karate tonight,” they say.

Parents should be made aware that attending karate class is a commitment and that all commitments should be honored. This helps students understand that the self-discipline they learn in class applies to all aspects of life. If need be, parents and the instructor can devise alternate plans to ensure that a child’s conduct — in the dojo or elsewhere — improves.

“Having the parent in your corner, working with you instead of against you, is so important,” Smith says. “The key is to communicate openly, honestly and positively.” By promoting parent-instructor teams in your school, you ensure that you’re in the business of making people’s lives better, and there’s no job that’s more noble than that.

Fringe benefit: When you succeed at making someone’s life better, good things tend to come back to you. It’s not always immediate, but it eventually happens.

Floyd Burk is a San Diego–based 10th-degree black belt with 50 years of experience in the arts. To contact him, visit Independent Karate Schools of America at iksa.com.