I was at a martial arts leadership seminar a few years back, and the speaker was talking about the glory of failure: “Failure is nothing but an opportunity. Failure should bring a smile to your face. When you fail, you should rejoice.”

Glancing at those in attendance, I could see they were engaged by his enthusiasm, but I had to laugh at how ridiculous the scenario was. I cannot imagine that any of those people, including the speaker, if put in a real display of public failure, would feel enthusiastic.

Failure is not fun. Although we all have had moments of embarrassment, disappointment and frustration, I doubt any of us would say the experience brought us joy.

The speaker was right about one thing: Failure doesn’t need to be devastating. While I wouldn’t go as far as calling it joyous, it can serve as a great life lesson. As instructors, we have the opportunity to help our students learn how to handle moments when they fall short. Here are some suggestions:

• Have standards written down. Consistent expectations draw out the best from students. Be prepared to enforce them. A standard that goes unenforced is not a standard; it’s a suggestion. A true standard is in writing and enforced all the time. If students have no idea what’s expected of them, their failure may come as a surprise. If they don’t understand why they failed, they’ll be unable to learn from their error.

• Don’t sugarcoat it. If students have failed, they’ve failed. Be respectful but be honest. Making excuses for them or allowing them to make excuses for themselves won’t help them learn from the experience. The truth is all that’s needed. Simply tell them they didn’t do enough to meet the standard. It’s acceptable to say that—and to leave it at that.

• Don’t be a “helicopter instructor.” There’s a tendency to withhold students from testing until you know they’ll pass. Although you may believe it’s in their best interest, it hinders their growth over the long term. If students don’t learn how to prepare themselves for an exam, how will they ever learn to gauge their progress?

To better understand this, consider the plight of secondary school teachers. Much like martial art instructors, academic teachers have a curriculum they must teach. They also work within time frames and have students at varying levels of capability.

Yet, in 21 years of being a parent, I cannot recall a single instance in which my children were guaranteed a passing grade on a school exam. The teachers taught them the information along with the proper study habits, and my kids had to ensure they’d done all they could to prepare for when their knowledge would be put to the test.

As an instructor, you need to ensure you’re teaching your material consistently and effectively while allowing your students to reap their own rewards. Teach them the required skills, provide reasonable time frames and solid guidance, and then say, “Go!”

• Be strong. Of course you don’t want to fail your students, particularly the children. The desire to help by allowing them to pass and then giving them “extra work” may be tempting, but it’s not productive. By enforcing a written standard, you’ve done your job. You should be considerate and respectful about how you inform them that they didn’t pass, but there’s no need to apologize.

Navigating through such difficult moments is one of the greatest lessons they’ll learn on the mat. As they move through life, they’ll experience similar situations in which they fall short. If they’ve already learned how to recognize that emotion and move on, they’ll be better prepared.

• Present a plan of action. If you’ve withheld rank from a student, take the time to explain the specifics, including which skills must be improved to pass the test the next time.

I’ve yet to meet a martial arts instructor who doesn’t want his or her students to succeed. Helping them make progress is a huge part of why we love our job. It’s important to remember, though, that making progress doesn’t always mean providing a smooth path for students. Although it can be difficult, allowing them to fail an exam when they didn’t meet the requirements can be one of the greatest gifts we provide.